


a little bit closer to you (even imagining it feels sweet)

by waswastxt (earlieststar)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Almost Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, happy birthday nana!!!!, honestly just donghyuck being really whipped for nana, i will make nahyuck rise with my bare hands if needed be, this is very fluffy, when will they finally kiss??????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2019-06-26 21:18:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15671478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlieststar/pseuds/waswastxt
Summary: jaemin could easily lean down just a bit more, only a few centimeters and kiss him. but he doesn't. he never does.he leans into donghyuck's personal space a lot but he never closes the distance between them entirely. and donghyuck isn't sure if he's allowed to, if he's supposed to do it for him, so he doesn't either.(or: five times jaemin didn't kiss donghyuck)





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> this had been sitting on my wips for a looooooong time (like. since hyucks bday maybe??) and i thought to post it all on jaemins bday but i did not finish writing it on time so this is only 1/5 of it  
> well it be like that sometimes  
> anyways Happy Birthday Na Jaemin!!!!! hes the most beautiful bright smile and the #1 fan of nctzens and im so thankful he exists!!!!! i hope hes having the greatest day ever!!!!!  
> title is from heart attack by loona's chuu bc i love her and with this solo she truly did it for the gays uwu

jaemin has always been an attention catcher. he's one of those people who enter a room and turns everyone's heads towards them. he's handsome and lively and so kind and generally just looks like the kind of person who stops to help elders to cross the street, who brings home hurt stray kittens, who you'd want to introduce to your parents.   
  
donghyuck won't lie and say he never thought about it - walking into his childhood home hand in hand with na jaemin and introducing the boy to mama and papa lee - but it's not exactly an uncommon daydream. every single one of them had a kid crush on jaemin at some point, it isn't a big deal anymore. he's very hard to ignore, a smiley leo with a big heart and a bigger penchant for cuddling his friends and play flirting, who wouldn't fall even just a little bit for him?   
  
he remembers the first time he acknowledged the fact that jaemin was, like, really pretty, in a really non-friend way: it was very early into their trainee life. everyone was antsy and unsure and they were so, so young. even taeyong had been a child back then. donghyuck remembers feeling like a toddler thrown into a hectic adult world. if he focuses enough, he can still recall the cold nights he spent crying into a small bed because he missed his mom, and then crying more because he could listen to the other boys sobbing into their own pillows.   
  
it had been on a situation just like that, a cold night of november when they were all tired and worn out and deprived so much of proper rest they couldn't even fall asleep, the tension making home onto their growing bones. donghyuck had been trying really hard to not make much noise while letting tears fall weirdly down his cheeks and into the mattress, when the door to the room he was sharing with renjun opened. he was so focused in controlling his breathing that he almost didn't hear jaemin tiptoeing to renjun's bed and asking quietly if he would mind changing rooms with him today.   
  
"i don't mind," renjun had answered, voice rough and small and still sounding very foreign. "is it chenle?," he asked back, already moving under the covers to fetch a sock that escaped his feet.   
  
"yeah," and jaemin's voice was immensely hopeless and sad in just that small whisper.   
  
when renjun left and donghyuck heard the door closing again, the room fell abruptly silent. he wasn't feeling like crying anymore, tiredness numbing his brain too much for sadness to appear. vaguely, he thought it was weird that he hadn't heard the commotion of jaemin dropping onto renjun's bed, and then he discovered why when he heard the other boy get closer instead.   
  
"renjun took the blankets," was all he said before donghyuck felt the bed dipping under his weight, curling up against donghyuck's back.   
  
too sleepy to care, donghyuck turned around in his bed, looking for jaemin's warmth and comfort like a cat napping under the sunlight. he couldn't even keep his eyes fully open anymore, but he still looked down at jaemin’s face, before fixing the blankets up the both of their shoulders and wrapping an arm loosely around the other.  
  
jaemin had been smaller than him back then, thinner and shorter and he took very little space in donghyuck’s bed. in the dark, he could barely make out jaemin’s face, but then the boy had smiled, wide and pretty. donghyuck still remembered the dark, painful circles under the other’s eyes, much alike his own; still remembered the spot on jaemin’s chin where his skin had broken out; could still make the badly dried tears from earlier out even when there was no light to help them glisten; and still, at that moment, jaemin was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen.

it had felt like a surreal discovery, but only for a skipped beat of his heart. then the pieces seemed to fall together and it became almost obvious, a daily remark - the sky is blue, jeno’s allergic to cats, na jaemin is really, really pretty (and really, really close). it was just one of those things that felt natural and he remembers younger donghyuck’s exhausted brain thinking that he wanted to kiss jaemin’s tears away next time he cried. and maybe hold his hand? or something. it had been very late and they were truly so tired, so the details are kinda fuzzy, but today’s donghyuck (older and hopefully wiser) is reminded of that kind of feeling, that once it had settled in his heart and he noticed it there, it never really left. still hasn’t, as a matter of fact. and he’s grown habituated to it because he doesn't think it ever will. 

jaemin had then and still is always those few centimeters away, perpetually close but just out of reach. well, metaphorically, at least.   


but younger donghyuck didn’t know that at the time, all he knew was that the most beautiful boy he had ever seen cuddled closer and, still grinning that shining, kind grin of his, buried his face on donghyuck's neck.   
  
"your nose is cold," he informed, and his cheeks felt warm then, the hand resting on jaemin's waist tingly with contact. jaemin had only hummed, not without a touch of playfulness, against donghyuck's throat and then he fell asleep. 


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am Back with more nana Not Kissing hyuck  
> so disclaimer of today is: i have no idea if it rained on that day i have no idea of anything regarding chewing gum era actually because i wasnt a fan back then???? and i took creative liberties with it ok just roll with it and enjoy our cute boys lowkey pining for each other  
> also unlike the first chapter this is unbeta-ed, so if you see any mistakes @ me please <3

the subway was suffocatingly full and this had been a bad idea right from the start. in fact, it had been a terrible, horrible idea and a lot of people tried to tell him exactly that when said idea was voiced, but it had been donghyuck's idea after all and he was not about to admit it hadn't been a good one anytime soon.   
  
he would live with his mistakes and face consequences like a man, ok? he would. although, it did not stop him from being sad about it. not when there was no one to judge him anyways.   
  
"stop pouting, hyuckie, it was your idea," jaemin whispered in his ear, low and playful, a little muffled through the face mask he wore. donghyuck's pout slipped away for just a second, before he made a point of turning his head away from jaemin's face and going back to pouting.  
  
it was the best he could do, all with the way jaemin's entire body was pressed to the front of his own. there was no escape, the subway was full and no one inside the wagon could even breathe comfortably, let alone move away.  
  
_besides_ , a little voice that sounded annoyingly like johnny's said in his head, _it's not like you want him to get away_.   
  
he briefly sent an imaginary fuck you towards the place this mind johnny had come from, but it was useless lying to himself. jaemin's arm was caging one side of his face, their chests flush together, legs tangled uncomfortably, about a hundred of strangers squishing them, and there's no place donghyuck would rather be than there. the johnny in his mind sounded like he was laughing and donghyuck felt half annoyed, half flustered by it - he truly hoped the bad lighting of the subway could hide his blushing cheeks.   
  
jaemin's forehead thumped softly on the wall of the wagon and donghyuck straightened his back to turn slightly more towards jaemin. "this was a horrible idea," the boy said, but his tone was light and clear of regret and donghyuck snaked one hand outside of his pants' pockets to poke jaemin on the ribs, tho it never had much of an effect.  
  
"don't say that as if you weren't having fun back there."   
  
he felt jaemin's laughter more than he heard it, low as it was, and couldn't help but open a smile of his own. they _had_ fun, afterall. before it had turned sour, it had been actually an okay-to-good idea to go out of the dorms and get some street food on the evening the day of their goodbye stage for chewing gum.   
  
donghyuck was not at fault if it started raining heavily right as they got their food (but he kinda was at fault for not having listened to the forecast that announced storm or all the hyungs (taeil, mark, johnny and taeyong, with increasingly more worried voices) that told him to bring an umbrella with him).   
  
truth be told, he hadn't even invited jaemin properly. he had just announced he was going out and jaemin slipped beside him, a hand dragging through the dyed hair as he put a snapback on, ready to go, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. as if there was no question that jaemin would go with him to wherever. it was easy, just time enough to pocket some money and throw on a warmer hoodie and jaemin was holding his sleeve, a smile on his face as he was pulled out the door and into the cold breeze.  
  
_jaemin was never good at denying you anything_ , he faintly remembers jaehyun telling him once. _dude would follow you anywhere_. he did not like how truthful mind jaehyun sounded either.  
  
but putting it aside, jaemin had also ignored the weather warnings and he did not complain when donghyuck paid for their takoyaki and corn dogs. jaemin had come with him and giggled conspiratorial with donghyuck when they passed a store that was playing chewing gum loudly, even tho it should just remind them that they should not be out so soon after promotions because they could be recognized. jaemin had paid for their chocolate crepes and then dragged donghyuck by the hand all the way to the station, running just as the rain was starting to pour.  
  
so, yeah, jaemin didn't get to say he didn't have fun, and donghyuck was about to tell him that when he looked at jaemin's eyes and saw them shining with mirth. it was pretty and looked like constellations and it did a very good job of cutting his words short and taking his breath away.  
  
jaemin somehow seemed to find donghyuck's face (which was probably contorted funnily as he reminisced the day) very amusing. donghyuck huffed in response to the silent teasing and it made the strands of jaemin's fringe that weren't humid move with the blown air. he watched as a single droplet fell from jaemin’s hairline down his temple and rested at the edge of the mask with more attention than he probably should. jaemin was just grinning at him, and donghyuck only knew because he could see the shadow of his lips through the fabric.  
  
then, jaemin’s eyes flitted around for a little while, searching for something, and when satisfied with whatever he had found, he dragged the hand that was against the wall and took donghyuck's poking fingers into his. "yeah, i did have fun," and moved their joint hands to rest inside donghyuck's sweatshirt pocket. just like that, fluid and natural and unapologetic, fingers laced as if they belonged like that. donghyuck noted, vaguely, that it felt like that because it wasn’t the first time it had happened, but he didn’t want to think about how much he wanted it not to be the last.  
  
jaemin was a menace, cheekbones peeking high from the edges of the mask, hair half wet half fluffy under his hoodie since donghyuck had stolen the snapback. they were cramped inside the wagon, and all donghyuck could breathe was jaemin. all he could feel was jaemin and the cold wall of the subway and how tight his chest felt when jaemin looked at him and shot him a beautiful, beautiful smile and how soft jaemin’s hand felt squeezing his own inside the pocket of his hoodie.

and then jaemin tucked the most beautiful smile donghyuck had ever seen in donghyuck’s neck, skin warm with embarassment and humid with rain. it sent a shiver through his spine and he felt jaemin’s thumb caressing his fingers, felt his own face rest in jaemin’s hoodie, still faintly smelling like fabric softener, but mostly just smelling like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always i am @waswas_txt on twitter and cc and youre welcome to come scream at me anytime <3 thank you for reading!!!!


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be the shortest chapter but as i was reworking it it ended up being the longest????? this was completely unbeta-ed so if you catch any mistakes please tell me  
> i dont have much to say except i hope you all enjoy it <3 my cat, who insisted on sitting on my lap while i revised it, wishes you all a nice day <3

mark was sat on the floor fiddling with a camera, but all of them knew his ears were very much alert to the music, ready to step up and give his opinion on the matters - the rim of his glasses made a shadow down to his cheekbones under the low light of the studio, but donghyuck knew the eyebags were there under that, deeper than ever. he made a mental note to tell mark to put on some concealer before their vlive.

the two youngest had run somewhere else, too bored to wait on the cramped room with them and renjun went with them, supposedly to look after the kids (but most likely to just nap somewhere or eat some vending machine candy away from their managers’ supervision). mark and jeno had stayed, the first because he had practically made a house out of the studio these days and the second one because his turn to record was near. he fiddled with the papers in his hand, lyrics printed out and notes scribbled in his and mark’s familiar handwriting all together. jeno had doodled a few smiling sunflowers on the corner right beside some scribblings of the touch chorus.

it was the first time in a while that he was back recording with dream and he had missed that so much. it was fun hanging around the hyungs but things sometimes were just so _adult_ and it came to occasions where it was painfully obvious how young he was compared to them, even with mark, who seemed to fit into a more mature pose much more easily than donghyuck ever managed. he was happy to be back with the kids. the air felt a lot lighter around them. he was mentally recounting all his members, drawing some 3d cubes and triangles when he heard the first low notes vibrating out of jaemin’s throat and lifted his head to see jaemin’s figure standing next to the microphone. it was only then that it truly hit him that they were seven again, that jaemin was back. he looked beside him and jeno was staring at jaemin too, in adoration and comfort. he looked soft and comfortable, a hand pushing through healthy hair, still undyed for their comeback. donghyuck slid his legs on top of jeno’s, because it was cozy and he could, and proceeded to watch jaemin listening to the producer attentively.

 _he’s back_ , for the first time donghyuck truly felt. _he’s here with us again_.

and when jaemin stepped out of the booth, standing straight with a smile easy on his lips, donghyuck released a breath he didn’t notice he was holding. hadn’t really noticed for a long, long time. then the boy was coming closer, ruffling and messing up his own hair, licking his lips as an afterthought. donghyuck’s mind flashed to an image of him applying lipstick on jaemin, a daydream that seemed to always come back to haunt him since the first time, years before, that he noticed the way jaemin closed his eyes prettily when the stylists did his make up.

at some point during jaemin’s recovery period, he noticed he really, actually, for sure _liked_ jaemin. not in a friend’s way, but in a i-would-like-to-kiss-you-and-make-you-smile-forever way that had felt, like with everything else jaemin-related in his life, overwhelmingly groundbreaking at first thought and then, in the next second, as natural as breathing.

he had had this realization while falling asleep on mark’s shoulder one day, in a plane from somewhere to some other where - he didn’t keep track of it all, just knew it was a 127 schedule because he could faintly hear taeyong and taeil chatting idly with yuta some point to his right and he could make out the sounds of johnny tapping on his phone to text ten. he had just been there, ready to nap and bask on mark being in one of his affectionate moods when it dawned onto him. he had remembered all those nights snuggled to jaemin, too tired to move, too homesick to talk, even on the ones where renjun was in the room too, and jaemin probably should not have been there. remembered all the times jaemin’s pretty lips stretched onto warm smiles right beside donghyuck (and directed at him too) and donghyuck could not help but stare a little bit. remembered the way jaemin had grown into his bones and into his skills just under donghyuck’s eyes, never out of reach. and then also the heart shattering moment when he first heard of his injury and how all the nights from then on had felt a little too cold and a tad too lonely. he had said, head still nestled against mark’s bony shoulder “i like na jaemin,” not even realising he was doing it out loud.

“dude, we know,” mark had said back, without missing a beat and then he giggled when johnny looked at them to ruffle donghyuck’s hair and tell him “we are aware, kid, now sleep a little, we have a schedule later”. he distinctly recalls yuta laughing heartly in the background, but he had fallen asleep before seeing the repercussions of that.

so he liked na jaemin. and na jaemin was walking straight to him, moving to sit on the spot beside him even tho there was much more space on the other side of the table. he leaned close, so close (closer than he probably should), breathed a _you’re next, hyuck_ on donghyuck’s face and he had missed this, he really, really had. it was always an adventure with jaemin, the way he could make donghyuck’s pulse pick up in a matter of seconds, with gestures that shouldn’t really matter among close friends, and donghyuck missed being drunk off the adrenaline of jaemin’s presence.

when he stood up, jaemin leaned back just enough to not hit heads with him and it was then that donghyuck noticed for the first time that jaemin had grown taller than him. he could not pinpoint why that detail mattered but somehow it did and the distance that had always seemed so far between them suddenly was a lot less. donghyuck yearned for even more proximity, wanted it to just get less and less as quickly as possible - yuta wasn’t there, but somehow the memory of him giggling at donghyuck’s pining lingered.

of course, jaemin didn’t cross the line and just watched as donghyuck maneuvered past him and made his way into the booth to sing about rebellious youth. his presence alone was already a comforting thought, and knowing he was still going to be there at the moment donghyuck left, that jaemin wouldn’t disappear again, should be enough.

it wasn’t quite, but it got very close.

jaemin was watching him from outside the booth, cheek resting in his palm, black hair soft and fluffy on top of his head and his perpetual smile dancing on chapped lips. he should really start using chapstick more often, but donghyuck knew he would want to kiss it all off anyways.

a sigh. just before diving into recording mode, he smiled through the glass. jeno shot him a thumbs up, mark snapped a picture, the producer gave him the ok and, a second before the music filled his ears, jaemin, biting down on his lips, pinned donghyuck in place with the softness in his eyes.


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are on the fourth installment yay i hope all of you are enjoying this fic <3 this chapter is slightly shorter, but honestly third one is probably going to be the longest??? anyways nahyuck keeps winning  
> next two chapters (fifth time and the plus one) are already halfway written so they should come rather soon but im not making any promises  
> also this kind of hasnt been beta-ed so like. if you catch any mistakes please tell me its 3am rn  
> have fun <3 <3 <3

his shirt sticks to his skin as he’s peeling it, wet from the rain.  _ life could get just a little bit better right now _ , donghyuck thinks, but tries to will his bitterness away. he still has three stages left that night and complaining wouldn’t help much. mark, who has four, currently has his face buried on the table in front of him, and is breathing slowly, muttering something that sounds tired and displeased. donghyuck relates to that, so he taps mark’s head in compassion and dodges his half-hearted attempts at swatting donghyuck away. 

they are in a makeshift dressing room and it’s small, cramped, way too humid for donghyuck’s liking, but it’s a roof over their heads, so he’s thankful. the rain doesn’t feel like it’s going to stop anytime soon. he can hear the rustle of people running about with brooms to try and remedy the wet, slippery floor of the stage.

he’s dabbing away at his damp shoulders with the crumpled shirt, but it’s very cold and not efficient in any way. donghyuck sighs, starts making his way to where jeno is sitting down with chenle on his lap. they look a bit like stray kittens, shivering subtly and sticking close to each other - it’s adorable and makes him want to hug them, keep them safe and warm. so he does, because no one’s gonna stop him.

donghyuck’s just adjusted himself there - tucked into the side of jeno’s body, an arm thrown over chenle’s middle and his face buried in the space between his friends’ necks -  when he overhears jaemin laughing heartly. a second later there’s the sound of renjun fake-complaining about something donghyuck can’t make out, but recognizes to be laced in a smile. the sound of rain is relaxing, beating down their makeshift tent, even with a bunch of people running around here and there and trying to fix things over the stage. he even faintly hears a make up noona complaining about her work melting down.

eyes closed, donghyuck’s just content in huggling jeno and chenle, comfortable even if not warm. he would have honest to god dozed off, except there’s suddenly a presence way too close, breathing on his cheeks. something fluffy and warm envelops his shoulders, drags him gently back until he’s pressed to a firm chest, being held by strong arms he recognizes immediately. “haechannie,” jaemin’s low, melodic dulcet calls out, from right above his cheekbone.

donghyuck tries really hard not to shiver, he does, but he can’t be blamed. it’s the rain and all. cold. yeah, that’s exactly it. totally not the way he can feel jaemin pressing against him. nope.

jaemin is still hugging him, rubbing the fluffy towel on his arms to dry off his chilly skin. “don’t want you catching a cold,” he says, and donghyuck turns his head a bit to see him smile so bright, so near, all for him, “i would miss hearing your voice if your throat got sore.”

and that’s it. na jaemin is coming for his fucking heart, donghyuck is sure of it. his heart is beating so loud and so fast he’s suddenly very scared jaemin’s hand will get too close to his chest and he will feel it. not that anyone has the right to judge donghyuck: what are you supposed to do when the most beautiful boy in the world gets in your space bubble like that and warms you up so sweetly? not fall even more in love? donghyuck doesn’t think that’s realistic.

jaemin’s lips are still stretched into his dazzling grin, the one that charmed the entire korea little by little and then the whole earth, and they are so frustratingly close. donghyuck can’t think much away from the lines of wondering if jaemin’s lips are cold with the breeze he certainly faced to fetch these towels for all of them, if jaemin’s unfairly long eyelashes would tickle his skin if he dared to kiss him. it’s making him a bit dizzy.

donghyuck knows he’s too far gone when he sits down in front of mark five minutes later and breathes, “mark, the way his eyes crinkle is so pretty.” to which mark, fairly enough, just grunts and doesn’t lift his head from the table. “i want to boop his nose so bad. it’s such a cute little button.”

later, at 127 and u’s tent, while people are hurriedly trying to fix members’ hairstyles, mark looks him right in the eye and holds him by the shoulders. “donghyuck, please,  _ please _ , kiss that boy. i can’t take you pining anymore, you’re making me insane.”

ten laughs at that from where he’s sitting one meter away, but goes back to playing on his phone a minute later. donghyuck can’t help chuckling, and it’s half to tease mark and half to cover the desperate beating of his heart at the mere mention of someday kissing na jaemin. he pokes mark’s ribs just once, “thinking about leaving korea again, mark?”

mark looks like he’s fighting a smile and trying very hard to not let him distract from the situation. “donghyuck, i beg you,” but he knew in under a second that it was the wrong thing to say.

donghyuck couldn’t stop the automatic response, nor the smirk opening in his lips. “then beg.”

ten laughed so suddenly he startled the girl fixing doyoung’s eyeliner and then someone came in to say 127 was performing in five. just like that the subject was dropped, but as mark turned to answer something johnny was asking, donghyuck sighed. he really wants to kiss na jaemin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im always suffering for nct on twitter fellas hit me up whenever you want!!! also im participating in the nct ot3 fic fest which has been So Fun so anticipate that maybe? have a nice morning/day/night lovelies <3


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ................ hi? this has been long overdue i am SO sorry  
>  between college being a bitch and about five hundred different personal reasons i hadn't been able to write the ending of this fic to my linking for so long  
> i am extremely sorry to leave this hanging but at last i'm gonna finish this fic because it was truly bugging me out that this didn't have a resolution!!!! this is the second to last chapter and i plan on posting the last one today still  
> i am no longer active on stan twitter unfortunately :((( but i hope you all will enjoy these last two chapters!!
> 
> by the way!!!! this is such an old fic that the birthday in question is hyuck's in 2018................. yes i am embarrassed

jaemin has been staring at him the whole night. that pleased little smirk of his haven’t left his face either. it looks annoyingly good on him.

he sits down on a couch and lets himself bask in the warm affection pouring around the room, more freeing now that the cameras are turned off. chenle is laughing loudly and donghyuck realizes he had long since started to think of their laughter as home. he’s home and it’s nice. he closes his eyes and tries to stop thinking about how much he wants to drag jaemin by the collar and kiss him - it’s too nice of a night to keep pining.

“you’re getting older, haechannie,” it’s jaemin, of course. but donghyuck smiles, because wanting to kiss him or not, jaemin is still one of his best friends in the world.

“and you’re still a baby, nana,” he replies staring into jaemin’s joy-filled eyes, and then decides to pinch his cheeks, to emphasize the point.

jaemin endures and grins wider. “i won’t be a baby next year. we’ll all be adults then.”

“yeah,” and it feels a little weird to think of themselves as adults. they’ve been together for so long and they’ve been dream for so long. it’s a tricky thought. he turns to mark, always knowing where he is, like two magnets of opposite poles. donghyuck often forgets that mark’s an adult, even with the more mature concepts he performs or with the more suggestive lyrics he’s been writing. there’s something about mark that donghyuck will always associate with the innocent, awkward little boy he met years ago, the one he took a single look at and immediately decided ‘this one’s mine’.

mark looks very young in his washed face and fluffy hair and he’s currently smiling back at donghyuck and waving, one feet already out of the door. “we’re going to bed, but you guys can stay a bit more,” he calls out. chenle’s laughter is getting softer and more distant. he remembers jeno pulling renjun’s sleepy form from one the couchs a few minutes earlier and jisung poking jun’s cheek to wake him up. “just make sure you don’t go to sleep too late.”

and then jaemin and donghyuck are alone, sitting on the couch and sliding closer inch by inch.

jaemin pulls him and donghyuck goes and they curl around each other with practised ease. they lay there, hugging each other much like that first night donghyuck noticed just how pretty jaemin was. they are close in that impossible closeness that has always been, like two parallel lines, drawn just one point away from each other. donghyuck really dislikes math.

“this is my birthday gift for you, hyuckie. no returning,” jaemin says and smiles. donghyuck pretends he’s not blushing.

it’s not the only present jaemin has given him, of course. he’s generous and had given donghyuck various presents, but this one might just his favorite yet. jaemin inches his face towards him, touching their foreheads.

“maybe i'll give you a kiss next year,” jaemin teases, voice a whisper, pokes his cheek with a finger. donghyuck would hate him if he didn’t love him.

but then jaemin’s face turns softer and he cuddles closer, nuzzles his nose on donghyuck’s cheek a few times before burying his face in the birthday boy’s neck. he plants a soft kiss there - or at least donghyuck thinks he did, it’s so light a touch he can’t be sure.

it reminds him so much of the jaemin that was smaller and younger and more malleable than him. their trainee days. the cuddling on the floor after a harsh dance practice. the massages on shoulders after staying up to perfect a singing line. that night years ago when jaemin hugged him on his bed and he suddenly realized nana was the most beautiful boy in the world.

he’s nineteen now and the most beautiful boy in the world is in his arms and in some ways he has always been. _you never noticed how jaemin gravitates towards you? seriously?_ , he remembers mark saying, only a few weeks prior. _he always ends up by your side, hyuck, it’s kinda cute to watch. you’re, like, each other’s moons._

lee donghyuck, after all these years, knows he loves na jaemin; that all of them had their kid crushes on kind nana and then they all saw the nation falling at jaemin from nct dream’s feet but this is different. lee donghyuck loves na jaemin and it’s not a secret. it’s in plain sight, obvious, as natural as breathing.

donghyuck listens to the way jaemin has calmed down, is breathing more evenly, pressed warmly against him. he’s going to follow jaemin into dreamland soon, he can tell.

he kisses the top of jaemin’s head and doesn’t fight the blush on his cheeks no more, nor does he try to control the big smile forming in his face. jaemin is still frustratingly out of reach, even there, in his embrace, no matter how much the smallest things already make donghyuck that happiest person on earth. he doesn’t dare do more. he tries to convince himself desperately that it’s just a joke, just some teasing, that he hadn’t heard any truth right there in jaemin’s voice.

because he’s just become nineteen and he can’t gather the courage. not just yet.

donghyuck falls asleep with _soon_ dancing in his tingling lips.


	6. + one

the pink hair had been the bane of donghyuck’s existence these days. when jaemin first appeared with the fluffy bubblegum color on the top of his head, donghyuck had looked so lovestruck renjun hadn’t stopped teasing him for it for almost a week. if donghyuck focused hard enough, he thought he could still hear renjun’s evil giggling ring on his ears.

whatever, renjun could laugh as much as he wanted, donghyuck’s reaction had been perfectly reasonable. it was unanimously decided between the members, and later on amongst the fans as well, that pink truly was jaemin’s color. and if donghyuck was a little more specific about the why (it brought out the sweetness of his lips and the blush on his cheeks after a dance practice so, so nicely) then that was no one’s business.

ten sat him down one day, saying with a sharp tone “we need to talk about you and nana”. donghyuck had gulped and looked down, expecting more teasing. on his birthday he had told himself _soon_ ; soon he would confess to jaemin and soon he would kiss him and soon he would discover if the inches that always seemed to exist between them were on purpose or coincidence. soon he would be able to tell jaemin that he had loved him for years, in some ways since the first time he had looked at him and smiled.

ten had ruffled donghyuck’s hair and his face had softened in a way that was as surprising as expected. “you should tell him. he deserves to know and you deserve to be happy.”

“i am happy,” donghyuck replied, but he had known what ten meant.

his hyung slid one arm around his shoulders and said, voice not unkind, “for how long will you convince yourself he’s not doing the same as you, hyuckie?”

it was a fair question and he knew he couldn’t deny he’d been doing it. _you’re, like, each other’s moon_ , mark had said, and it was true. he and jaemin had orbited each other for years, and donghyuck had been constantly telling himself that jaemin was like that with everyone. and yet, jaemin had slipped under his blankets more often than he ever did renjun’s, or jeno’s, or doyoung’s. jaemin had followed him on every bad idea with a smile on his face, like donghyuck’s presence somehow worth the adversities. _jaemin was never good at denying you anything_ , jaehyun had wondered, but donghyuck had never been good at denying jaemin anything either.

jaemin was easy to love. donghyuck had a vast collection of fond memories and kind smiles and comforting touches from the boy. he remembered weeks earlier, on his birthday, how jaemin had stood tall by his side and looked at him, in that way that was so natural to him of looking serious, carrying only the faintest smirk on his lips. his eyes had been only on donghyuck.

he could not recall now when those looks had started, nor when he became accustomed to jaemin staring him down, the most beautiful boy in the world concentrated just on him. jaemin could easily lean down just a bit more, only a few centimeters and kiss him. but he didn’t then. he never did.

he leaned into donghyuck's personal space a lot but he never closed the distance between them entirely. and donghyuck wasn’t sure if he was allowed to, if he was supposed to do it for him, so he didn't either.

but ten questioned him and it made sense. what if jaemin had been waiting for him all along? _maybe i’ll give you a kiss next year_ , jaemin had said. donghyuck had fallen asleep thinking of _soon._

jaemin was easy to love, and donghyuck didn’t think he could ever had stopped himself from falling. perhaps he should not stop himself from kissing him, too.

ten stayed with him through all this turmoil and ruffled his hair again, apparently seeing in his eyes the moment he had come to his conclusion, in the way his hyung always seemed to know these kind of things. “not much longer, i’m guessing.”

 _no, not longer at all_ , donghyuck had thought to himself. and it had brought them here, on the living room of their dorm, another quiet night with just the both of them, on jaemin’s birthday a few days after.

jaemin’s hand was warm, fingers tapping into donghyuck’s palm, thumb circling his wrist. he had caught his hand when he was reaching for a balloon they had taped on the ceiling, donghyuck’s fingers just barely holding the string. jaemin was smiling at him, standing a few inches away, having just come up from leaning on the sofa. donghyuck looked up, calculating the distance between them. wondering about parallel lines was helping make his pulse not speed up so much. _but they were already touching, weren’t they?_ , and he hoped jaemin wouldn’t notice his heartbeat, getting faster with each breathing.

“tomorrow we can get them from the roof. i like how they look there,” jaemin said, and lowered donghyuck’s arm. his fingers caught on the string and the balloon moved with it, but the tape seemed to have stuck to it. when he let it go, it flew on an angle and stayed taped to the lightbulb as it went up. the room drowned in light pink.

jaemin wasn’t holding him by the wrist anymore, but his eyes kept donghyuck pinned there. his eyes were glinting, seemingly content to watch donghyuck. it was breathtaking, and completely obvious, like it had always been with na jaemin. donghyuck gulped, suddenly not caring if jaemin heard his heart beating so loud. _soon?_ now.

he thought of taking jaemin’s hand and introducing him to his parents. he thought of the rosy light giving jaemin an almost glow. he thought of the familiar weight of jaemin burying his grin on the crook of donghyuck’s neck. there’s no place he would rather be than right there, on an empty room, but almost suffocatingly close to jaemin, drunk in his presence. and he could kind of say drunk now, they were both getting into adulthood, afterall.

the words blurted out of his mouth against donghyuck’s will, “i haven’t given your birthday gift yet, nana.”

"oh, and what are you giving me? a kiss?," jaemin asked, smiling like a fox. his hair was tousled and soft and it sat on his head perfectly messy. on god, he looked so good in hot pink, it wasn’t fair at all. his dimples were on full display and his cheekbones reflected light like only actual healthy, hydrated skin could. his eyes were twinkling with mischief when he questioned donghyuck, and his grin never ceased, not even when donghyuck stopped analysing every detail of his face, sighed and straightened his back.  
  
when donghyuck opened his mouth to answer, chest full of resolve and hands already making their way to grip at the collar of jaemin's hoodie, pulling the boy down those goddamned centimeters that had always seemed to exist between them, those awful inches that donghyuck hated with a passion, jaemin's smile grew bigger, softer, hopeful. "yes," he answered against jaemin's lips and finally kissed the most beautiful boy he had ever seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it fellas <3 they (finally) kissed!!!!! i hope you all enjoyed this story and i commend every single one of you for the love you gave me and the patience you granted me!!!  
> these boys deserve so much appreciation and im so glad to see their tag filling up these days!!!! <3  
> have a nice morning/day/evening and until some other day <3


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